Introspective Insights

Introspective - adj: Examining sensory and perceptual experiences. Insight - n: The capacity to discern the true nature of a situation.

Looking at the World with New Eyes – Part 2

(To read Part 1, click here.)

But it isn’t over yet for me…

It is the weekend, I try to function as normal as I can, but I’m angry. The WHY floods my thoughts and my anger rises against this nameless, faceless person. Why choose to make a victim of my friend? But why also make a victim of the rest of us that were witnesses? The rest of us that were nearby when it happened? Then I feel guilt – “How important am I here? What about her family? Their pain must be overwhelming.”

I snap at others – my mind racing – the incident replays over and over in my head. I pray more – peace comes over me. I get to Sunday night thinking that I can make it. I can go into work the next day.

I wake up on Monday – I just can’t do it, I can’t, I can’t move from this place.

Overall, I feel peace, I am not afraid. I no longer feel anger towards the shooter. But this incident does not leave my mind. It replays over and over. I can’t go more than a few minutes without thinking about it. There is a dark place in my mind and heart and nothing will release it.

We go somewhere and I am overwhelmed trying to watch people around us. “Why did this person do that? That one over there? Are they too close to us?” I don’t trust this world anymore. It is ugly, dark, harsh, not where I belong, not how things should be.

But then there is Monday night, when it all changed.

Go to Part 3.


Hi! I'm Jennifer. I'm here in my little corner of southeastern Michigan observing relationships, family, and the world hoping to dig deeper and find the divine spark in it all. Thanks for visiting!

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