Introspective Insights

Introspective - adj: Examining sensory and perceptual experiences. Insight - n: The capacity to discern the true nature of a situation.

Not Safe

Three years ago, I witnessed a horrible tragedy that caused
the death of a friend.  The incident
replayed over and over in my head in those dark days afterwards and I pleaded
to God saying, “If this is how life is – ending in a twisted moment where one
human attacks another and it is over in an instant, I don’t want to live safe
anymore.  I don’t want to make decisions
that are predictable or expected.  I want
to live a different life – a life where I’m stepping out into what you want,
  Into what I cannot see or
understand – a dangerous, jumping off a cliff kind of life for you.”  I was terrified of what I had just seen, but
this prayer was definitely the most dangerous prayer I had ever prayed. 

It was a prayer of despair and I didn’t fully realize it
then, but it changed my mind – how I thought about everything; transformed how
I wanted to live.
  I remember later that
day at home feeling frozen, unsure of how to move forward, what direction to

I remember praying again, “God, I am terrified to pray this,
but please take this life and this fear and I will do whatever you ask.  I don’t know how and why and when, but I will
do it.”  I didn’t know if I could follow
through, but I knew that God was with me.

Months later, I left my job under circumstances I never
could have predicted without financial plans to make that reality work.  For the first time, I was living that
“unsafe” life.  I wrote here about free falling.

As I look back three years later, I see that God has allowed
me to “jump off my cliff”.  I have a new,
calm rhythm to my life.  While from the
outside, it looks ordinary, quiet, and predictable.  Back then, today’s reality was unthinkable,
scary, undoable. 

I’m grateful for that “unsafe” prayer that I prayed.  I believe it opened a door for God to work in
my life in ways I never imagined possible.
I am humbled and honored that God brought me to this place. 

What “dangerous” prayer have you prayed and how did God
change your life because of it?


Hi! I'm Jennifer. I'm here in my little corner of southeastern Michigan observing relationships, family, and the world hoping to dig deeper and find the divine spark in it all. Thanks for visiting!

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